“Now I know why I was created.” – the Ba’al Shem Tov, at the moment of his death.

It was not my plan to get so intensely personal so soon into this new blog. But we plan, and G!D laughs, or sometimes, cries. My cousin (I nearly typed ‘brother’- that’s how close the cousins are in our family), David Laur z’l, passed away this morning, a few days after an horrific car crash that claimed two other lives, and left two others in critical condition.

David was not at fault; returning with his girlfriend from a planning meeting for a charity triathlon for the disabled, his car was struck head on by a drunk driver, traveling and passing at high speeds, who crossed the double yellow lines and ended at least three lives and irreparably damaged two others.

The brain screams “Why?”,  to G!D, to the sky, to no one in particular. Senseless destruction, good lives crushed right out of existence in twisted metal, ripples of suffering moving outward from the site and moment of the crash. At first deafening silence, then small soft voices begin to offer incomplete and only partially satisfying answers.

“Why?” is really the question, isn’t it? From 3 years olds paying the “Why” game to keep adults engaged, to our final rattling breath, “Why?” is the question, the alpha and omega. Why are we here? Why do you love me? Why don’t you love me? Why did this happen, and not that? Finally, “Why do I have to leave so soon and so suddenly?”

I don’t know what answer to his “Why?” the Ba’al Shem Tov received as he passed to the next world. But that his “Why?” was answered at all, brings some sort of comfort. Maybe it’s not futile after all. Maybe Meaning Triumphs! Maybe we get let in on the cosmic joke at the end. Maybe we look back on our lifepath, connect the dots, and finally understand. Maybe, as Rumi says, our lips close with a whimper HERE and open with a shout THERE!

Why, why, why? Like a sharp knife, a good question can carve out new answers every day. Ultimately, it’s not about the answer. It’s about those questions that take us to another place; a better, deeper, fuller state of being. The poet Rilke exhorts us to love the questions, to live the questions. G!D willing, we can live the questions into Infinite Answers. For David, for us all, may there be endless wondrous answers following our deepest questions.

Why are you here, now?

Rabbi Yisroel (Israel) ben Eliezer (born circa 1700, died 22 May 1760), often called Baal Shem Tov or Besht, was a Jewish mystical rabbi. He is considered to be the founder of Hasidic Judaism.

Joe Laur is a father, husband, artist, builder, naturalist, consultant, and EcoKosher mashgiach. He lives with his wife Sara in western Massachusetts, where he serves as head groundskeeper and resident singer songwriter. Send him your favorite teaching quote for commentary. He can be reached at joe.laur@joelaur.com.