“From the day the Temple was destroyed, the (Heavenly) gates of prayer have been closed…..But even though the gates of prayer are closed, the gates of tears are opened…”

-Rabbi Eleazar ben Azariah (Babylonian Talmud 32b)

There is a Talmudic story about a man, Eleazar ben Durdia (no relation to today’s quoted rabbi), who visited every prostitute he ever heard of. While in the throes of passion with a woman to whom he had paid a huge sum and crossed seven rivers to be with, she passed gas, and told him that just as her gas would not return, he could never repent enough to gain a place in the next world. He was mortified, and saw immediately how depraved his life had become. He retired to the nearby hills, where he cried to the heavens and earth,  mountains and hills, sun and moon, stars and constellations. None could help. He said, “It is upon me then”, and wept so grievously that his very soul departed his body. At that moment a voice for the heavens cried out, “Rabbi Eleazar ben Durdia has gained a place in the World-to-Come!”

In his heartfelt repentance, Eleazer ben Durdia had not only found spiritual redemption, but the title rabbi as well, as an example of complete repentance. While hopefully none of us have to go to his extremes, the lesson is that contrite tears can take us to where even heartfelt prayer cannot. Rumi reminds us that “The grief you cry out from draws you toward union. Your pure sadness that wants help is the secret cup.”  Our heartfelt grief, whether it is a desire to be healed, to seek help for another, or to return to our own best and highest way of being, can connect us to the Divine.

The Hebrew word for repentance, tshuvah, literally means return. To return to our true self, the path we want to be on, the direction we want our life to travel. Sometimes when we see how far we’ve strayed from our ideals, we need a good cry to release it all. A key outcome of expressed grief is great release. We may feel we’ve fallen too far to ever get back up again, to ever return home. The good news is, that heartfelt cry can get us a long way to where we long to be. When the gates of heaven, or even our own hearts,  are closed to prayer, they are still open to tears.

What within you cries for release, to return “home”?

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Eleazar ben Azariah was a 1st-century CE Jewish Mishnaic sage. He was a kohen and traced his pedigree for ten generations back to Ezra the Scribe.

Joe Laur is a father, husband, artist, builder, naturalist, consultant, and EcoKosher mashgiach. He lives with his wife Sara in western Massachusetts, where he serves as head groundskeeper and resident singer songwriter. Send him your favorite teaching quote for commentary. He can be reached at joe.laur@joelaur.com.