“It’s toughest to forgive ourselves. So it’s probably best to start with other people. It’s almost like peeling an onion. Layer by layer, forgiving others, you really do get to the point where you can forgive yourself.”

-Patty Duke

Forgiveness can be tough to do, and forgiving ourselves may be the toughest slog of all. One of the difficulties is that often we aren’t aware that we are holding ourselves to blame in the first place. Our self blame may be hidden, out of sight, “in shadow” as the Jungians  put it. Even once we have surfaced our own self condemnation, it can still be tough to forgive ourselves. We often hold ourselves to higher standard than we do others. “I should have known better,” or “There’s no excuse for what I did!” are common internal refrains.

It’s time to give ourselves a break. We are just as frail, prone to error, and worthy of forgiveness as anyone else. In fact, to fail to forgive ourselves may be a kind of egoism- that we are such a bad person, so unworthy, nothing in the world can redeem us! Aren’t we special!

What nonsense. The core of the Torah, the Gospels, the Quran and most spiritual texts is to “love our neighbor as ourselves.” Not more, not less. Indeed, to love our neighbor we have to love ourselves. And if we don’t forgive, how can we love? We all mess up. We all need, and deserve a second chance. And a third, fourth, seventh, fifteenth, etc.! If we are created in G!D’s image, and Divine Love is boundless, can’t we channel some of that boundless love and forgiveness for ourselves? It’s worth a shot. We can at least forgive ourselves for trying…

What will you forgive yourself for today?

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Anna Marie “Patty” Duke (December 14, 1946 – March 29, 2016) was an American actress of stage, film, and television. She first became known as a teen star, winning an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress at age 16 for her role as Helen Keller in The Miracle Worker (1962), a role which she had originated on Broadway. The following year she was given her own show, The Patty Duke Show, in which she played “identical cousins”; she later progressed to more mature roles such as that of Neely O’Hara in the film Valley of the Dolls (1967). Over the course of her career, she received ten Emmy Award nominations and three Emmy Awards, and two Golden Globe Awards

Joe Laur is a father, husband, naturalist, executive, consultant, and a lowly rabbinic student. Send him your favorite teaching quote for commentary. He can be reached at joe.laur@godsdog.net.