“We achieve inner health only through forgiveness – the forgiveness not only of others but also of ourselves” – Rabbi Joshua Loth Liebman

The Prodigal Son, Rembrandt

Usually when we think of forgiveness, we think of it in terms of others; either forgiving others who have wronged us, or asking forgiveness of those we have wronged. But what about forgiving ourselves for our “trespasses” against our own ideals?

I find self forgiveness the most difficult. I can usually find a way to forgive others without too much difficulty, especially if they acknowledge the hurt they caused me and ask for forgiveness. That melts my heart. If i’m aware of hurting others, I want to make it right between us as well. I don’t like to leave accounts unsettled, or be at odds with people I care about. But what about settling scores with my self?

I’m  my own harshest critic, as many of us are. A friend once told me she had an “inner prosecutor” who reminded her continuously of everything she’d done wrong. She got the idea of hiring an “inner defense attorney” to handle her case! Can we treat ourselves as well as we want others to treat us? As well as we want to treat others? How can we find ways to forgive ourselves, and genuinely return to our highest ideals?

I usually start by imagining how I’d treat a dear friend. If we are supposed to love others as ourselves, that means we have to love ourselves! I ask myself, if someone else had done this thing, fallen short of their ideals with me, would I forgive them? The answer is almost always yes. So why should I be harder than that on myself? Extending forgiveness to ourselves also makes it easier to extend it to others. And we all know that practice makes perfect.

What can you forgive yourself for today, and let it be as dust in the wind?

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Joshua Loth Liebman (1907–1948), was an American rabbi and best-selling author, best known for the book Peace of Mind, which spent more than a year at #1 on the New York Times Best Seller list.

Joe Laur is a father, husband, artist, builder, naturalist, consultant, and EcoKosher mashgiach. He lives with his wife Sara in western Massachusetts, where he serves as head groundskeeper and resident singer songwriter. Send him your favorite teaching quote for commentary. He can be reached at joe.laur@joelaur.com.